Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
