When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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