I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
