Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
thus making me awesome and them whores
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chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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