I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
