I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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