i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
