you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
