I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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