just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
