I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
