Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
