Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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