What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
