when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Randomize
