and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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