I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
