There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
