I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
