I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
