Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize