Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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