Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
