They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
