is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
