You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
