DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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