i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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