I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
