i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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