I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
