You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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