So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
