She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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