I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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