so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
