Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
