Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
