It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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