What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
