I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
