in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
