I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
