Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
