I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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