You really coming over, don't trick.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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