I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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