Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
