i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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