is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
