Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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