Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
