Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
