she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
