I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
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It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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