Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
