She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
